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We’ve all felt them. Triggers. Some we recognise, some are new to a bit of surprise. Triggers are either intentional or unintentional, the important thing though is HOW you respond to them. NO Point on dwelling on IF they are intentional or unintentional, skip that immediately, it’s a complete waste of your energy. And Focus on NOT to respond with hurt feelings. The good news is that everyone feels triggers, it’s nothing wrong with you so stay calm so you can think straight.
Take a paus, ignore it and practise in advance how to respond to them is all classic approaches. How do we respond then? If repeated from the same people prepare a strategy. Like when you know what will happen at a Family Holiday dinner, at a meeting at work or some other social settings you interact in, be prepared, you’ve got this.
First your goal is not to take any bait, a trigger is something that is meant to fool you so don’t react, ignore it instead, be COOL with it or at least pretend to be cool with it to get your mind out of reaction mode. Other people notice it as well so no idea to think about that either, even children sense it. If repeated by the same person you can look at them and pause and ask “what did you say”, that will make many people to say “Oh it was nothing” it is quite unusual for people to actually repeat what they said if it was very rude or rephrase it.
Don’t turn it into an argument of WHAT you thought they said. Just respond with a few words, not an essay, just three to five words, nothing else. Nothing rude just confirm what they said in a calm way, then leave it at that. Don’t engage in some argument, if they do, say: “this is a family dinner so I don’t want to talk about this” and ignore them. If they get upset you say “you seem upset, we can talk about it later when you calm down”. Use few words, be direct and not emotional.
Don’t turn the meeting or family dinner into a conflict, if you engage in that they will only shift and blame you since you also are acting aggressive and are ruin the moment. It’s not the right time to solve old problems or personal differences at a dinner table or at a meeting right? Don’t agree to meet up with them somewhere else either, they will have to learn how to behave and not calling people out, and that is not your job. You don’t need to come to any closure with them, your closure is that you walk away or remove yourself from the room if it heats up. Learn to read people when it’s the right time to try to get an agreement of peace, to some it’s never so don’t engage in useless disagreements.
It is not to be afraid of disagreements, it is wise to know when it is no point if you know that their goal is not to make peace at all. Know people from a distance, their actions tell who they are, you don’t need to ask or need any explanation. Keep your peace, it is priceless and learn how to protect it.
Trying to be funny is not a good approach, the tense feeling in the whole room already know that it is not funny. Suggest another topic to talk about, say “Let’s talk about something else” and tell something that lightens up the room, take ownership of being the bigger person, and LEAD the conversations in an optimistic way. If attacked just look at them and repeat again, “Let’s talk about something else” and do that. That is proof of Leadership that you lead by example towards peace and harmony instead of chaos and verbal attacks. Also use the very wise phrase: “Well let’s agree that we disagree and let’s move on”.